Monday, June 25, 2007
Sunday, June 24, 2007
Love, Marriage and Sex - preferrably in that order
I'm sitting in an airport lounge in LA waiting for my connection back to Melbourne. May need to have a couple more drinks to make sure I sleep! Anyway, on the flight from Boston to here I was pondering something that has been bugging me lately.
Some of my friends and colleagues now have kids at that age when they start asking questions about sex. One of the American trainers at the course I just attended told a funny story. Her friend's 7 year old daughter came home from school and asked that question that parents dread: "Mummy, what's sex?" Her friend explained it in an "appropriate way" suitable for a 7 year old to understand. Long pause. 7-year-old says "So, do you and Daddy do that?" Even longer pause. Mum says "yes, sometimes". Even longer pause. 7-year-old thinks about this for a moment and says "You know, I think I'd understand it much better if I could watch you doing it"!!!! Glad I didn't have to explain to a 7-year-old why that was not going to happen!
But I digress. My real issue is with what is an appropriate way to explain this kind of thing to children. Another colleague of mine was telling me a similar kind of story lately, about having to explain the concept of sex to her young daughter. She told me that she had said that sex was something that happens between a man and a woman after they get married. She must have seen the look on my face and quickly explained "well, I don't really expect her not to have sex before marriage, I mean we all do, but I thought I should get her to aim high at least while she's this young". Funny though, it wasn't that part so much that bothered me. It was more the "sex is something that happens between a man and a woman" bit. Just in case anyone reading this hasn't figured this out yet, I am a lesbian, and my colleague knows this.
So, this conversation, so typical for parents with kids of this age, has bugged me for weeks, and I am adding a lot of my personal baggage to contextualise it. Let me share (purge?)... When I was growing up I didn't even know that there was such thing as gay men and lesbians, let alone transgender, intersex and all the other labels that we like to attribute to people. I did have a very similar sex talk with my Mum at about the age of 9, when I clearly remember that after my Mum explained the mechanics of the male/female sex act I said "eeeew, I will NEVER do that"! I wonder if Mum remembers that, she'd laugh about it now! Anyway, at some later stage, I found out about gay men and lesbians, but I had a very negatively stereotypical image of what they were like. Gay men were VERY effeminate men, and lesbians were VERY masculine women, and not only that they were really weird and evil. They were nothing like me.
I recently had a bit of a talk with my mother about 'when I realised I was a lesbian'. She asked. I think she feels that she didn't support me enough and that I may have been happier earlier if she had done something differently. Maybe. But as she pointed out, she didn't ever know anyone who was gay or lesbian (as far as she knew), so she really couldn't give me any broader kind of sex talk or support than she did. She did her best.
I am confident that children of glbti families are now given a wide range of information about sex, gender, etc and their freedom to be whatever works for them. And I would like to think that many heterosexual parents who are now exposed to a more 'normal' (I use that word with some trepidation) vision of homosexuality also have much more open discussions with their kids. But after the conversations I've had recently, I'm not so sure. All these people I've spoken with are not homophobic - well not in the conscious ugly sense of the word. But it doesn't seem that any of them have explained any options other than the standard hetero-normative view of sex to their kids. Is it because this is just easier? Is it because you tell what you know? Is it because they can't quite figure out how to explain homosexual sex (I mean, what DO lesbians do in bed?????!)?
And then the whole marriage thing. You see, if the highest standard to encourage your children to reach for is sex within marriage, then my relationship with my partner is automatically substandard, because we can't get married. And, on a related note, even within the heteronormative framework I worry about this as the standard, having known it to come unstuck with a few of my friends, who believed strongly in not having sex before marriage, and thus didn't think about contraception before marriage and then 'accidently' got pregnant before marriage in the heat of the moment (and here I don't mean necessarily sex in the standard heteronormative way either, a couple of them didn't actually 'do it' - in their words - and still managed to get pregnant - virgin mothers almost).
Anyway, I think a more interesting conversation would be about what marriage actually means to people - other than the actual wedding ceremony, that is. Anyway, that's another dissertation or two in the making.
Enough ranting and raving for one stop-over!
Some of my friends and colleagues now have kids at that age when they start asking questions about sex. One of the American trainers at the course I just attended told a funny story. Her friend's 7 year old daughter came home from school and asked that question that parents dread: "Mummy, what's sex?" Her friend explained it in an "appropriate way" suitable for a 7 year old to understand. Long pause. 7-year-old says "So, do you and Daddy do that?" Even longer pause. Mum says "yes, sometimes". Even longer pause. 7-year-old thinks about this for a moment and says "You know, I think I'd understand it much better if I could watch you doing it"!!!! Glad I didn't have to explain to a 7-year-old why that was not going to happen!
But I digress. My real issue is with what is an appropriate way to explain this kind of thing to children. Another colleague of mine was telling me a similar kind of story lately, about having to explain the concept of sex to her young daughter. She told me that she had said that sex was something that happens between a man and a woman after they get married. She must have seen the look on my face and quickly explained "well, I don't really expect her not to have sex before marriage, I mean we all do, but I thought I should get her to aim high at least while she's this young". Funny though, it wasn't that part so much that bothered me. It was more the "sex is something that happens between a man and a woman" bit. Just in case anyone reading this hasn't figured this out yet, I am a lesbian, and my colleague knows this.
So, this conversation, so typical for parents with kids of this age, has bugged me for weeks, and I am adding a lot of my personal baggage to contextualise it. Let me share (purge?)... When I was growing up I didn't even know that there was such thing as gay men and lesbians, let alone transgender, intersex and all the other labels that we like to attribute to people. I did have a very similar sex talk with my Mum at about the age of 9, when I clearly remember that after my Mum explained the mechanics of the male/female sex act I said "eeeew, I will NEVER do that"! I wonder if Mum remembers that, she'd laugh about it now! Anyway, at some later stage, I found out about gay men and lesbians, but I had a very negatively stereotypical image of what they were like. Gay men were VERY effeminate men, and lesbians were VERY masculine women, and not only that they were really weird and evil. They were nothing like me.
I recently had a bit of a talk with my mother about 'when I realised I was a lesbian'. She asked. I think she feels that she didn't support me enough and that I may have been happier earlier if she had done something differently. Maybe. But as she pointed out, she didn't ever know anyone who was gay or lesbian (as far as she knew), so she really couldn't give me any broader kind of sex talk or support than she did. She did her best.
I am confident that children of glbti families are now given a wide range of information about sex, gender, etc and their freedom to be whatever works for them. And I would like to think that many heterosexual parents who are now exposed to a more 'normal' (I use that word with some trepidation) vision of homosexuality also have much more open discussions with their kids. But after the conversations I've had recently, I'm not so sure. All these people I've spoken with are not homophobic - well not in the conscious ugly sense of the word. But it doesn't seem that any of them have explained any options other than the standard hetero-normative view of sex to their kids. Is it because this is just easier? Is it because you tell what you know? Is it because they can't quite figure out how to explain homosexual sex (I mean, what DO lesbians do in bed?????!)?
And then the whole marriage thing. You see, if the highest standard to encourage your children to reach for is sex within marriage, then my relationship with my partner is automatically substandard, because we can't get married. And, on a related note, even within the heteronormative framework I worry about this as the standard, having known it to come unstuck with a few of my friends, who believed strongly in not having sex before marriage, and thus didn't think about contraception before marriage and then 'accidently' got pregnant before marriage in the heat of the moment (and here I don't mean necessarily sex in the standard heteronormative way either, a couple of them didn't actually 'do it' - in their words - and still managed to get pregnant - virgin mothers almost).
Anyway, I think a more interesting conversation would be about what marriage actually means to people - other than the actual wedding ceremony, that is. Anyway, that's another dissertation or two in the making.
Enough ranting and raving for one stop-over!
Wednesday, June 20, 2007
Killer Squirrels
I've been chasing squirrels around Boston for the past two days trying to get good photos. I had no idea that they could be dangerous, but Ange just sent me this link: http://www.spiegel.de/international/zeitgeist/0,1518,488343,00.html
Day 2 at Harvard
Met some more interesting people today. One man doing the course is a pulmonary and respiratory specialist who works in ICU and is on the faculty of one of the other USA university's med schools - can't remember which one. Another woman is an anthropologist who specialises in conflict resolution between native indians. Interesting!
Took lots of photos today around the campus. Got a great shot of a squirrel eating a nut and later saw one trying to chew on a nut almost twice as big as he was! Also saw a guy with a chihuahua! Found a really weird looking insect in my bathroom - no idea what it is - kind of a cross between a centipede and a daddy-long-legs spider. It looks like one of those deep sea creatures!!!
Really hot today - I'm guessing around 30 degrees. Wore casual clothes to class today - thought I couldn't bear work clothes in this heat. Other people turned up in jeans and shorts too, so guess the requirement for "business attire" is out the window now. There is a woman from Jamaica in the course and the poor thing is freezing to death! We have the airconditioning turned up full bore and we're complaining how hot it is, and she's sitting there with a shawl around her shivering! So funny!
Learning heaps, my head is spinning with new ideas and exciting revelations. As one of the presenters, Sheila, would say: I'm having a brain quake. Sheila commented yesterday "You have no idea how hard it is to work in Australia with my name"! We three Australians cracked up laughing and then we had to try and explain why it was funny, especially to the Brazilians. I don't think I did a good job explaining it - one of them said to me, "so it's like your name is whore?"!!!! Imagine if I had to explain to him the concept of Brazilian waxing!!!
One guy said to me this afternoon: "You sure have lots of funny stories!" I replied "yeah, it's kind of a hobby of mine"!
Took lots of photos today around the campus. Got a great shot of a squirrel eating a nut and later saw one trying to chew on a nut almost twice as big as he was! Also saw a guy with a chihuahua! Found a really weird looking insect in my bathroom - no idea what it is - kind of a cross between a centipede and a daddy-long-legs spider. It looks like one of those deep sea creatures!!!
Really hot today - I'm guessing around 30 degrees. Wore casual clothes to class today - thought I couldn't bear work clothes in this heat. Other people turned up in jeans and shorts too, so guess the requirement for "business attire" is out the window now. There is a woman from Jamaica in the course and the poor thing is freezing to death! We have the airconditioning turned up full bore and we're complaining how hot it is, and she's sitting there with a shawl around her shivering! So funny!
Learning heaps, my head is spinning with new ideas and exciting revelations. As one of the presenters, Sheila, would say: I'm having a brain quake. Sheila commented yesterday "You have no idea how hard it is to work in Australia with my name"! We three Australians cracked up laughing and then we had to try and explain why it was funny, especially to the Brazilians. I don't think I did a good job explaining it - one of them said to me, "so it's like your name is whore?"!!!! Imagine if I had to explain to him the concept of Brazilian waxing!!!
One guy said to me this afternoon: "You sure have lots of funny stories!" I replied "yeah, it's kind of a hobby of mine"!
Tuesday, June 19, 2007
Crockery Dundee saves the day
I'm in the USA at the moment. Spent the weekend in LA with Susan, possibly the funniest woman on the planet. My stomach muscles still hurt from laughing.
First night of our stay there we were woken in the wee hours of the morning by this banging noise. Susan rang reception and said "what's going on?" and they said "i'm so sorry, it's the fire service, there's been a fire and they have to find a gas leak". We looked outside and there were the firemen, with sledge hammers, destroying the fireplace. There was smoke damage and the people in the rooms above the fireplace were asleep on the sun lounges around the pool!!! We were the other end of the pool, so had no smoke, just the noise. 
The next night we were having dinner on the poolside when a waitress dropped a plate and a piece fell into the pool. Staff immediately came running and they told everyone to get out of the pool. They then closed access to the pool and all stood helplessly on the side looking at the fragment of plate in the bottom, trying to figure out how they could get it out. I said to Susan, that's ridiculous, I could just dive in there and get it for them. She said, they won't let you, they'll be worried you'll hurt yourself and sue.
I couldn't help it, I raced up to the room, grabbed my goggles, went back to the pool, ripped my shirt open, dropped my skirt, put on the goggles, and in the spirit of crocodile dundee, yelled "that's not a piece of crockery, you should see how big they are in Australia!", jumped in, picked up the bit of broken plate and handed it up to the staff. They all clapped and laughed (Susan took a photo) and I was suddenly the heroine of the night.
They call me Crockery Dundee, the Crockery Hunter!
Free margaritas, vodka cocktails and desserts later, I staggered back up to the room!
(Check out the waitress on the far right - is she doing the "you're my hero" pose or what?!!)
Rode cruisers down Santa Monica and Venice beach. Saw a guy holding a sign saying "Will work for marijuana"! At least he was honest!
At Harvard this week - Boston is beautiful and the Harvard campus is gorgeous. I am channelling Elle Wood from Legally Blonde - as I walk around the campus all her best lines keep popping into my head! So far I haven't seen any law students with chihuahuas!
Monday, June 11, 2007
Monday, June 4, 2007
Sunday's entertainment!
Four of my favourite Melbourne people!
My first attempt at being a Hockey Cheerleader...
It would help if I knew the rules!
Saturday night's entertainment!
These boys sure have fast fingers! They played in a church, which had great acoustics but was pretty cold and those pews are not the most comfortable places to sit. Ange and I planned a whole business venture based on hiring out banana lounges and selling mulled wine...we would have made a killing!Saturday, June 2, 2007
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